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So, I am attempting to get control of some things in my life that I can actually control. I have some big things in my life that I cannot control like being unemployed or starting a family right now, but I do have to take control of something so that I can feel better about my life. I am not sure how long my period of unemployment will last while I look for a job. I start my program from my second graduate degree in a couple of weeks so that I can have access to other jobs beside teaching.  I love teaching, but I may need to go in another direction. So I have some time on my hands to try to make big and positive changes in my life. So what do I want to do? If I am going to change for the better, then what am I going to change? 1. Weight and Feeling Good about Myself- Let’s face it. Most of us have this on our list. I need to work on it. Ten years ago, I was at a weight that I had never been at before as an adult. I weighed about 190. The year before I had weighed 300, but I had weight loss surgery in December 2002. I lost all that weight and stayed like that for a couple of years. Slowly, but surely, I have put on weight. I currently weigh 260. You can see below..

I am in plaid at about 190 lbs.

I am in plaid at about 190 lbs.

Me close to 260.
Me close to 260.

So of course I want to try to get back to what I was. I felt pretty good about myself then. I don’t want to be super skinny. I just want to be healthy and feeling good about your self is part of that. My husband still finds me attractive, but I don’t. I am not all about having to look good for everyone else, but looking good for yourself. I am not even doing that. I don’t put effort in my appearance and that is because I feel that I don’t need to because I am not attractive. That has to change. I have awesome eyes and hair. I am 5’9″ and have long legs. I have a funny smile. I have to be proud of that. I also know that the harder I work on my physical state the better my mental state can ever be. 2. Writing- I have always wanted to write a book. I don’t care if I get published. I want to be able to write a book. I have snippets of short “stories” laying around. I hope to get at least a very crappy first draft done during this time. I also hope to keep this blog up as well. 3. Podcast- I have a history podcast called the Nerdstorian. I love it, but I have not been keeping up with it. I want to change that and relaunch my show. So, that is it for now. These are things I can control. I know it may be difficult, but I know I have it in me. Let’s see what I can do.

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One response to “What to do now

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